Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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