I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
