So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
