I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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