i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
