just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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