Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
