Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you win again, gameday.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
