hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
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I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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