I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize