What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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