I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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