I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
