did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
