I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
