i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
