Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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