Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
