She is in my trunk
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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