Swine flu. Run for my life!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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