You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
