You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
