someone threw a dead crab at me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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