Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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