I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
