I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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