Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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