you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
