Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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