I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
