hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
