great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
