After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
