Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
