Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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