I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
