Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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