He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize