I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
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all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
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I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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