I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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