I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
