Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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