no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
