Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
