It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
