You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
