I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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