we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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