they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
