You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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