he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
