my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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