Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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