I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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