so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
