i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Operation Purity has been aborted
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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