i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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