why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
