dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
