i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
