Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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