he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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