dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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