Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
