i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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