I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
