I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
