Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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