so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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