everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
