So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
