Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
