my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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