I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
