She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
