All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
