I didn't shave. On purpose
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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