We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
