All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
